Toxic Masculinity: What It Is, Who It Benefits, and Who It Harms

Toxic masculinity- it's a phrase we hear thrown around a lot these days. A phrase that invokes images of angry, violent men. Of rage, misogyny, and poor emotional regulation.

Or maybe you're on the other side- maybe you hear someone say "toxic masculinity" and you immediately think of bitter, resentful, closed off women. Maybe you hear the term and assume that the person using it hates men. And maybe you're right.

It is misused, after all. Frequently, and fervently. With vigour and laughter, sometimes anger, sometimes irony.

So, I thought that it was worth it to dedicate a quick post to what the word actually means. To be entirely transparent, I do use the term toxic masculinity. And I do think that is has a useful place in the current conversation surrounding gender, gender roles, and the differences between the sexes. However I acknowledge that my opinion is just that- my opinion. Although many others use the term in a similar way, there are of course people who misuse it or see it differently. I can't speak or answer for them, except to say that I condemn misandry and any terminology used to perpetuate it.

So, what is toxic masculinity?

Toxic masculinity is, in simple terms, any expression or exaggeration of traditional masculinity that forces people to participate in either displays of masculinity of femininity, harms people who choose to act differently, or perpetuates the idea that men should be or are entitled to be in domination over women.

The best example I can think of is this:

Let's say you're a man, and you like expressing yourself and appearing in ways that are traditionally masculine. You want to wear a suit, have short hair, drive a truck, whatever. This is 100 percent, completely, totally fine. This is healthy masculinity.

However, there are men in the world who don't want to wear a suit. There are men who would prefer to wear a dress. And these men often face bullying, threats, harassment, physical violence, and even sexual assault as a result. This is toxic masculinity.

Now, am I telling you to go put on a dress in solidarity?

NO.

I am not.

But I do think that a man who is truly healthy and secure in his expression of masculinity would show courtesy and respect to those who choose to express something else.

For a deeper, less appearance based example, take the example of dynamics within a family. Let's say you're the breadwinner in a household, and you have a wife who stays home taking care of the children. This fits traditional gender roles. Is it wrong? No. But it would be wrong to try to coerce a woman into being in this dynamic if it isn't what she wants, or to shame couples who practice the reverse of this, or who split paid work and childcare equally.

So, who is responsible for toxic masculinity, and who does it harm? Well, that's a bit more complicated. In my opinion, the answer to both these questions is both genders.

Toxic masculinity is generally acted upon by men, but can be encouraged or normalized by both sexes. There are women who see their male partner cry and say, "Man- up!"

There are mothers who tell their young boys, "Boys don't cry,"

There are girls who are unhealthy themselves, and demand unhealthy behaviour in return.

There are men who mock and put down other men for showing their emotions because they themselves are afraid to appear to feminine.

As for who it harms, again, I believe both sexes are harmed.

See that's the thing that people often get wrong about patriarchy. Patriarchy doesn't mean that men always benefit, or that men's happiness is prioritized over women's. It means men have the power.

It means that the same toxic masculinity that causes men to abuse women, children, and other men, causes women to think that men can't be abused, that men are always consenting, or that men never need help, support or love.

Toxic masculinity harms everyone.

Let's put an end to it.